MY TESTIMONY

I HAD SHOT UP ALL THE GUNS, JEWELRY, BUSINESS' AND APPLIANCES I OWNED. I HAD CUSSED MY BABY GIRL LIKE SHE WAS A STREET HOOKER I KNEW RIPPED ME OFF. MY FAMILY KNEW WHERE I WAS AND MY DAD AND STEP MOTHER TOLD ME LATER THAT THEY EXPECTED TO GET A CALL ANYTIME THAT I OVERDOSED. EVERYONE HAD GIVEN UP ON ME, IN AS MUCH THAT I WOULD NOT COME OUT OF THIS, MYSELF INCLUDED.

I USED TO PRAY THAT I DON'T GO TO HELL OR GET BUSTED, EVERY MORNING WHILE I WAS ON THE WAY TO FIX UP. I SHOULD HAVE DIED 100S OF TIMES AND I SOMEHOW IN MY DAZED STUPOR KNEW THAT GOD WAS HEARING ME. HE DID. SEE I WAS A BACKSLIDDEN CHRISTIAN. YOU KNOW THE KIND THAT MOST PREACHERS GIVE UP ON. NO ONE LIKED ME. I WAS A THIEF AND INSANE.

MY MOTHER TOLD ME ONE NIGHT BLESS HER SOUL, THAT IF SHE HAD TO KEEP PUTTING UP WITH ME, SHE WOULD WAIT TILL I WAS ASLEEP AND BLOW MY BRAINS OUT. THAT REALLY SCARED ME AND I PUT A CHAIR BEHIND THE DOOR KNOB AFTER THAT. IN THE STREETS YOU KNEW WHEN SOMEONE WOULD RIP OR HURT YOU. SHE HAD MORE DETERMINED EYES. SHE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE UP, BUT NEVER DID. SHE WAS A CATHOLIC WHO LOVED JESUS. SO WITH HER WAY OF PRAYING WITH THE ROSARY BEADS IN ONE HAND AND A WOODEN SPOON IN THE OTHER AND A 9MM IN HER POCKET, SHE NEVER STOPPED PRAYING FOR ME. JESUS LISTENS TO ANYONE WHO WILL CALL ON HIM. MY MOM CALLED A LOT. AS SHE SAW THE DEATH ANGEL TRY AND STEEL ME, SHE DREW INSIDE (AS SHE SAYS ) AND BEGGED JESUS TO DO SOMETHING. HE HEARD HER.

I HAD LOST ALL I KNEW AND OWNED. THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF EVERYTHING I OWNED OR KNEW. I COULD NOT AFFORD TO PAY FOR THIS HABIT. I WAS SICK AT HOME ALONE AND LOST.

I GOT THE LAST MONEY I COULD SCROUNGE UP AND WENT AND SAW A CONNECTION AND BOUGHT 2 TWENTY'S OF PURE HEROIN AND COKE. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO CUT IT 10 TIMES AND SELL IT, TO RE-UP AND FIX OUR HABIT ALSO. THE GUY I BOUGHT IT FROM DID NOT LIKE ME. (TALK ABOUT DIVINE PROTECTION). I REALLY THOUGHT HE TRIED TO KILL ME TO THIS DAY I BELIEVE THAT. I WENT HOME.

I SAT IN MY BATHROOM AND FIXED THE FIRST BATCH AND THOUGHT, WELL THIS WILL KILL ME AND I WON'T HURT ANYONE I LOVE AGAIN. I FIRED IT AND IT ALMOST KNOCKED ME OFF THE TOILET. BUT I WAS STILL ALIVE. MAD I STARTED TO FIX THE REST. I SAW A BOTTLE OF DRANO AND POPPED ITS BUBBLE TOP AND AS I STARTED TO TIP IT OFF IN THE SPOON. RIGHT THEN, AGAINST THE BATHROOM WALL, OUTSIDE MY TV BURST ON, WITH THE GREATEST BLUES HARMONICA PLAYING I EVER HEARD.. (I TOLD THIS IN MY FIRST TESTIMONY IN A SHORTER MANNER.) (I FELT THIS WAS TO BE TOLD AS SEPARATE MIRACLE TESTIMONY IN MY LIFE.) AS YOU WILL REMEMBER, I RAN OUT OF THE BATHROOM LOOKING FOR MY MOM OR WHICHEVER INTRUDER IT MIGHT BE. I WENT BY THE ALARM ON THE HOUSE AND IT WAS ON. I SAID HUH? I LOOKED ALL OVER THE HOUSE AND NO ONE THERE. IN THE BACKGROUND, ALL THE WHILE, THIS FABULOUS HARP WAS GOING. I STARTED BACK INTO MY ROOM WALKING BY THE TV. THE MIXTURE OF THE SPEEDBALL AND MUSIC WAS WORKING ME STRONG. I LOOKED DOWN WONDERING WHO HAD TURNED MY TV ON. THERE WAS THIS BLOND, LONG HAIRED GUY PLAYING THIS GREAT HARMONICA. (I USED TO PLAY IT ALONG TIME AGO). JESUS REALLY KNOWS HOW TO HOOK UP TIME AND SPACE WITH US. I STOPPED SAT ON THE EDGE OF MY BED AND LISTENED. I NOTICED THE TBN LOGO ON THE BOTTOM OF THE TV SCREEN. I SAID HUH? THAT RELIGION CHANNEL. I SAT ON THE END OF MY BED, MY FACE WAS ONLY 1 FOOT AWAY FROM THE TV SCREEN. I STARTED TAPPING MY FOOT TO THE MUSIC AND LOVING IT.

TERRY McMillan STOPS AND SAYS "YOU KNOW, I KNOW HOW YOU ARE FEELING! ( I SAID SURE YOU DO). HE LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS " AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL YOUR SELF." (I ALMOST FELL OFF MY BED. I SAID , NO WAY THIS IS HAPPENING. HOW COULD HE KNOW? BUT IT WAS) HE HAD MY ATTENTION . HE GAVE HIS TESTIMONY, IN A RELATED SHORT VERSION THAT APPLIED DIRECTLY TO ME. ( I AM THINKING , THIS AIN'T REAL, AND YET I COULD NOT DUCK HIS STATEMENT. ) HE TOLD OF HOW HE HAD LOST EVERYTHING DEAR TO HIM INCLUDING HIS FAMILY AND WAS TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF. HE SAID I AM GOING TO PLAY THIS FOR YOU OUT THERE. LOOKING RIGHT AT ME. ( I WAS BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL NOT DOUBTING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT). HE BLOWS "AMAZING GRACE" IN A BLUES FASHION THAT HAD ME BALLING LIKE A BABY (THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVORITE SONG). I CRIED AND REASONED THAT GOD WAS DEFINITELY THERE.
I SAID LOOK JESUS IF THIS IS YOU, SHOW ME MORE AND TERRY WOULD TALK DIRECTLY TO ME ABOUT WHAT I HAD ASKED. I CRIED MORE AND FINALLY SAID . " JESUS IF THIS IS REALLY FOR ME, I WILL MAKE A DEAL WITH YOU". I WILL STAY IN THIS ROOM AND NOT COME OUT, BUT ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. I KNEW, WHAT KIND OF WITHDRAWAL I WAS FACING. I WOULD EITHER STROKE OUT FROM THE CONVULSIONS OR JESUS WOULD MAKE A WAY THROUGH AND I WOULD NOT DIE. (AT THAT MOMENT I WAS WANTING TO DIE ANYWAY, SO WHAT DID I HAVE TO LOSE.) I SAID I WILL STAY RIGHT HERE.

SO, I GOT UP AND DID THE REST OF MY DRUGS AND WAITED. I SEALED OFF THE BEDROOM OF ALL OUTSIDE LIGHT WITH OLD TABLE CLOTH'S FROM OUR OLD RESTAURANT. I SAT AND KEPT TBN ON AND WAITED . IT WOULD NOT BE MORE THAN THE NEXT MORNING, I WOULD GET SICK AND REALLY SEE, IF I WOULD GO GET MORE DRUGS. I SLEPT UNTIL LATE MORNING. WOKE UP WITH THAT URGE AND WAITED TO GET SICK. (AT THAT POINT I WOULD NOT DARE DRIVE TO THE BOTTOM TO GET MY DRUGS.) I JUST SAW 4 PEOPLE I KNEW WELL DIE FROM WITHDRAWAL. 2 IN JAIL AND 2 AT HOME WHEN THEY HAD WAITED TO LONG AND WERE TOO SICK TO DRIVE.. AT LEAST THAT WAS THE STORY FLOATING AROUND. I KNEW THE 2 IN JAIL. ONE WAS MY FAVORITE PUSHER GOT BUSTED AND DIED FROM THIS IN JAIL, SO I SAW IT WAS SO.

KNOWING THE SICKNESS WE WENT THROUGH ON PREVIOUS WITHDRAWAL'S. BUT NOW I WAS BEYOND ANY REASONABLE LIMIT. I HAD WITHDRAWN BEFORE, BUT NEVER ON THIS MUCH STUFF. I SAW HELL OPEN BEFORE ME, WITH THE SLICKEST DEVILS TRYING TO SECRETE MY JUICES, SO I WOULD GO COP MORE DRUGS. I HAD MADE A DEAL. "GET ME THROUGH THIS JESUS AND I WILL SERVE YOU FOREVER." "I WAS GOING TO STICK WITH IT".

I GOT THROUGH THE FIRST DAY AND JUST A FEW GOOSEBUMPS. I HAD TBN ON AND THEY WERE ON A MARATHON AND I WAS ON THE RIDE. BROTHER SHAMBACH WOULD TALK TO ME AND SAY " I DON'T CARE HOW BAD YOU'VE BACKSLID, YOU ARE COMING BACK AND NO DEVIL IN HELL WILL STOP YOU. THEN KAREN WHEATON WOULD SING AND I JUST KNEW SHE WAS A ANGEL. I WOULD CRY AND BAWL AND JUST SIT WAITING TO GET SICKER. EVERY TIME I WOULD DRINK WHAT LITTLE BOOZE I HAD LEFT TO KNOCK THE EDGE OFF AND WAIT TO GET SICKER.

I WOULD TURN OFF TBN AND BEG FOR A FEW MINUTES SLEEP. I WOULD SEE THOUSANDS OF EVIL EYES TAUNTING ME. I WOULD ONLY SLEEP FOR 10 MINUTES AND TURN TBN ON AGAIN. AS SOON AS I DID, THE EYES WOULD DISAPPEAR. SO I JUST FINALLY LEFT IT ON. MY MOM LEFT ME ALONE, BLESS HER SOUL, HER PRAYERS, WHERE SHE HOPED, WERE FINALLY BEING ANSWERED...........

THE ONLY WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS I HAD IN 6 DAYS, WERE A SKIN THAT LOOKED LIKE A TURKEY OUT OF A WRAPPER(HENCE COLD TURKEY) AND NO SLEEP AND WEAK. I WALKED OUT ON THE 6TH DAYAND LET MAMMA FEED ME A BOWL OF HER FAMOUS CHICKEN SOUP. (OH FOR MY SOUL MAMMA.) SHE LOOKED HAPPIER THAN I EVER SAW HER.. SHE STILL HOPED IN THE LORD JESUS AND HE WAS TRUE TO HER PRAYERS. EVEN THROUGH HER ROSARY BEADS AND GUN. SHE NEVER LET GO. I PRAISE JESUS FOR ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE. SUCH A GOD LIKE LOVE. BLESS ALL OF THEM LORD.

ON THAT 6th DAY, I STARTED TO DRIFT OFF. ALL OF A SUDDEN I WAS IN THE OFFICE IN THE FRONT OF MY HOUSE. THE VISION WAS SO REAL. IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE IT USUALLY WAS ALL IVY AND GREEN. BUT, NOW IT WAS FLAT AND DRY LOOKING DESERT, DIRTY AND DISMAL. I HEARD FOOTSTEPS THAT SHOOK THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE HOUSE. THERE WAS A SAFE IN FRONT OF THE DOOR OF THIS ROOM, FULL OF MONEY, GUNS AND JEWELRY THAT WAS NEVER THERE BEFORE. AND A GIRL I DID NOT KNOW, DIGGING THROUGH IT. I SCREAMED, GET OUT AND SHE JUST DISAPPEARED. I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND SEE THIS GIANT GUY, MAKING THE EARTH TREMBLE, WALKING TOWARDS THE HOUSE . I LOOK OUT THE WINDOW TO THE RIGHT AND THERE IS A FENCE THAT GOES ABOUT 100 YARDS WITH ANOTHER GUY STANDING AT IT'S END. I SAID GREAT ,THERE ARE 2 AFTER ME. THIS BIG GUY IS WALKING TO THE HOUSE. I REACH DOWN INTO THIS SAFE AND PULL WHAT LOOKED LIKE MY OLD 44 MAG WITH THE 8 3/8th INCH BARREL AND SAY, THIS WILL FIX HIM.

I RUN OUTSIDE AND UP TO THIS THING AND HE AND I STOP. HE HAS HIS HEAD HUNG OVER LOOKING AT THE GROUND. I LOOK UP THOUGH THE UGLY PART IN HIS HAIR, WHICH WAS A DIRTY BLOND AND HAD DUST FALLING FROM IT. I SAY "HEY BOY, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME? ALL THE TIME COCKING THE HAMMER BACK ON THE OLD 44." HE THEN LOOKS UP THROUGH ME, WITH EYES THAT WERE HALF HIS FOREHEAD LARGE, BULGING FROM HIS HEAD, YELLOW, BLOODSHOT AND THE PUPIL THAT SPUN A 1000 MILES A HOUR, DRIVING WHAT I THOUGHT WAS THE WORST EVIL AND FEAR THROUGH ME I EVER FELT. IT STARTED AT MY FEET AND DROVE HELL ALL THE WAY UP TO MY HEAD. I WAS SCARED AS HELL ITSELF. I TURNED AROUND AND RAN BACK THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR, SAYING I NEED A BIGGER GUN OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

I KNEW NO GUN WOULD WORK HERE. I RAN UPSTAIRS HEARING THOSE POUNDING FOOTSTEPS, SCARED TO DEATH AND LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW. HE WALKED OVER TO THE GUY AT THE END OF THE FENCE, WAVING A PIECE OF PAPER, THAT I KNOW NOW, LOOKED LIKE A SCROLL, SCREAMING," I AM TAKING HIM WITH ME, HE IS ON MY EXPIRED LIST." I SAID, WHAT IS THIS @## EXPIRED LIST. THE OTHER GUY WOULD JUST SHAKE HIS HEAD OVER AND OVER AGAIN, " AS TO SAYING NO, NOT SAYING A WORD". EACH TIME THE EXCHANGE GOT MORE HEATED. THIS DEVIL FROM HELL, AS I AM REALIZING, TURNS AND STARTS TOWARDS THE DOOR. BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. I RUN DOWN THE STEPS AND REMEMBERED, I DID NOT LOCK THE DOOR. I LOOK UP AND THE CHAIN IS ON AND DEAD BOLTS, I NEVER HAD WERE HOLDING THE DOOR SHUT. I AM IN THE FOYER WAITING AND SCARED, LIKE NEVER IN THIS LIFE BEFORE. I HEAR HIM COME TO THE DOOR AND HE GRABS THE HANDLE AND STARTS SHAKING THE DOOR. THE HOUSE STARTS SHAKING AND I HIT MY KNEES CRYING LIKE A BABY WAITING FOR LIGHTENING BOLT'S TO BLOW IT DOWN OR BULLETS TO RIP IT APART OR THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE TO RIP AWAY. I SCREAM, JESUS PLEASE SAVE ME PLEASEEEEE, DON'T LET HIM TAKE ME TO HELL.

AND AT THOSE WORDS, IT JUST STOPS. I CAME TOO, AND WAS IN MY LIVING ROOM, LOOKING NEAR THE WINDOW. DURING THIS TIME, AS THE DEMONS, TRIED TO GET ME DAILY, I WAS REALLY MAD THAT I HAD BEEN A SUCKER.. THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME I HEARD JESUS TALK TO ME. HE SAID, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE SOME PAYBACK? I SAID, OH HOW I WOULD. JESUS SAID, I WILL GIVE YOU A MINISTRY TO THE LOST AND YOU WILL CALL IT DEMONSLAYERS. ME, BEING A RADICAL FROM THE STREETS LOVED THAT NAME. THAT IS HIS NAME FOR THIS MINISTRY. PRAISE YOU LORD JESUS.....
WELL AFTER THAT I WENT INTO THE OTHER TESTIMONY.

MOTHERS, FATHERS AND BACKSLIDERS DON'T EVER QUIT CALLING HIS NAME. HE STAND BETWEEN US AND HELL AND THE BADDEST DEVILS ON THE PLANET CAN'T TOUCH YOU. MOTHER'S, YOUR PRAYERS ARE NOW BEING WORKED OUT. NEVER QUIT. ....PASTOR CARLUCCI